Life As It Is

I’m not a quitter. I’m really not. Some may say that I’m even a sucker for a lost cause. 

Today I’ve learned a few things, that I think will help me later in life. 

First, you can’t always fix a lost cause. I know, up until a few minutes ago I would have never imagined I’d be writing this, like, ever! BUT I’ve learned that sometimes you’re just completely powerless, and the harder you try the deeper you sink. because they are like a sinking ship, taking you down with them. There is no reasoning. They’ve given up and refuse to listen to what you have to say. The harder you try the worst it gets because you invest so much life energy into getting through to them that it drains you completely. You’re left dizzy, sick and shaking. What’s even worse is when the someone who you’re trying to help is very close to you, blood related even. I share 50% of my DNA with him. That’s why it hurts so fucking much; when you realise your father is one of those rare causes that cant be helped.

The second thing I’ve learned: it’s simply to let go. just let it all go. all these years of suffering that I’ve waisted on trying to help him. It’s finally over, and once i realised that just a few short moments ago I suddenly felt lighter, have no more worries. No more unresolved issues with him. I’m simply. Indifferent. Blank. Light. my visit will soon be over and truth is, I’m probably not going to see him for a very long time. I’m just done with him. There’s nothing more to say.

That’s it. 

Life goes on. 

(via mhel02)